Ben

Minor good news of the day: my hardship fund money came through! And it's a little more than I originally applied for! So I can order all of the textbooks for the upcoming months, and also buy some books that I actually want.

Not sure what to make of the company who interviewed me last week. They were sharing one of those communal office buildings with a dozen other outfits. Suite 17 (my lot) had the company's name written in biro on a piece of A4 paper sellotaped to the door.

Decent pay, though. £10.50ph for a bit of telephone and database work. They certainly didn't waste all of their money on fixtures and fittings.

I'm pretty sure I'll get invited back for the second round.

So, I've had a new job for a little while. One of my duties is to give... people... careers advice.

Stop and read that one back. Try to contain your mirth.

Still, what the hell, let's do this.

Ben's Career Advice, #1.

Never apply for a job while you are unemployed.

The reader's first reaction might be to think that, if anything, the unemployed would be more likely to apply for jobs, and good luck to them. This is, however, foolish and naive.

Mr. Employer will take one look at the first page of your CV and think something along the lines of 'What a useless, lazy, waste of space - he probably spends all day sitting in front of daytime tv, because this is the only thing that unemployed people ever do.' He will then throw your CV in the nearest bin, irrespective of the impact this will have on his company's carbon footprint.

If you later apply for a similar post while employed - even if your job is temporary, carries very little responsibility, and could in all truth be carried out adequately by any of the great apes, provided it could be first be taught how to unjam a photocopier - the same employer will fall arse over tit to offer you an interview.

These are scientifically proven facts.